Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize