Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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