Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
