I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
