who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
