Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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