Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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