This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
