Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
