Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
