and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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