11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
