oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His nipple licking is glorious
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