you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
