enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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