my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
