i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
