the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
