No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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