Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
