come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
