your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
