If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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