Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
