The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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