and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
