Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
