I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
