I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
