Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
