can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
