Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
