My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
