Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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