honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
