My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
