you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
