i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
