There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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