I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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