we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
