I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize