My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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