So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
