i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
