she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
