You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
