halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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