at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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