the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
