Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
