I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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