Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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