Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
