Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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