I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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