She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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