so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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