I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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