hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
