New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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