Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
