Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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