You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
