she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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