So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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