Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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