So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
